My last blogpost tackled the topic of “self-discipline” with food, attempting to reframe a potentially triggering word to be more empowering. At the end I mentioned self-directed eating, which is a concept that means a lot to me. So I thought I’d take the opportunity to blog about it!
The idea of self-directed eating is what had the biggest impact on improving my own relationship with food. It’s not something anyone taught me, rather something I formed my own thoughts around during my eating disorder recovery.
Prior to that, I felt a lot of pressure to recover the right way. Do all the right things and make sure to avoid all the wrong things. At the time, Intuitive Eating was championed as the goal for recovery so that became my target.
I love Intuitive Eating. I practice its principles regularly. I teach them to my clients. Learning about the Intuitive Eating framework was one of the things that helped me realize I had an eating disorder in the first place. I owe so much to Intuitive Eating. I have nothing but good things to say about it.
AND, for me it still felt like an external target I was trying to hit. I see this show up a lot with clients as well. After many years of working with many clients, I have come to see Intuitive Eating principles as tools in the process of building a positive relationship with food, not the destination.
When I reframe Intuitive Eating in that way to clients, they are relieved. They, like me, have felt the pressure to do Intuitive Eating “right”. To be clear, I don’t think this is an issue with Intuitive Eating or with anyone encouraging it. It’s just really easy to externalize our relationship with food, especially when self-trust is so hard.
Enter self-directed eating. There’s no definition, no step by step process, no target to hit. It’s exactly as it sounds – eating with total autonomy. It’s completely up to you. No one is going to tell you how to do it. You have complete ownership of your own choices.
Can Intuitive Eating principles be a part of self-directed eating? Absolutely. Can nutrition information be a part of self-directed eating? For sure. So can your own unique physiology, your individual circumstances, your hunger, appetite, food preferences, budget, health concerns, cultural foods, neurobiology and so on. It could also mean setting alarms to remind you to eat instead of just waiting for hunger cues to show up. It could mean using a meal plan structure indefinitely because that’s what you know you need. Are you hearing what I hope you’re hearing? THERE ARE NO RULES, and there is no destination. You don’t need to arrive somewhere before you can practice it. You can be self-directed with food no matter your current relationship with food. You are in charge. You get to give yourself what you need to feel good about food. That permission is priceless and life-changing.
Essentially self-directed eating is a concept that feels more whole and inclusive of the many parts of you, and the diverse ways in which we all interact with food.
Maybe this feels overwhelming. I’d validate that. It’s not a flip you switch, and it takes a lot of practice. But what I witness in that practice is liberation, true connection and a mind that is more open, curious, accepting and present. When there’s no right way to eat, you’re free to connect with yourself and eat in a way that simply just works for you, not later or someday when you arrive… but right now.